Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for her, (26) that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, (27) that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. (28) So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. (29) For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. (30) For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. (31) “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”. (32) This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

The letter to the Ephesians was written by the apostle Paul. In our verses today Paul writes that God originated sex/marriage and tells us how God designed it and how we must live in marriage. All Christians are under authority – husbands are not an authority unto themselves but under God who ordains all authority. Christian marriage is an earthly picture of Christ and the church; husband and wife are equal as persons before God, sharing in the grace of salvation. Married love has an exclusive relationship between husband and wife. It has a purifying purpose, a sanctifying purpose.

Paul roots his instruction to husbands in the theology of the cross. Love for wife should be sacrificial, not selfish; should be purposeful, not aimless, with the ultimate aim to glorify the Lord. Love is realistic, not blind; love is an act of the will. Authority is not the priority but love is – it is commanded by God and not culturally determined but a command to love is given to all Christians husbands. This was a radical perspective in those ancient days and perhaps no less radical today in our corrupt culture.

The real cause for failure in a marriage is always self; the husband’s duty is love – seeking the highest good for another person. The obligation of husband’s obligation to his wife goes far beyond sexual fidelity – Paul is not here focussed on the rights of husbands and wives or providing financial incentives in marriage but he presents the sacrifice of Christ on the cross as a model for the relationship between husband and wife. C.s.lewis wrote in Mere Christianity that “love as distinct from ‘being in love’ – is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthen by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God…….’Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise; it is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”